For 5 days, I am in the Goldfields district of country Victoria. I visiting family and friends and recharging before heading back for the start of Trimester One on Monday. While here, I have been marking the final assessments for my Summer Course, as my class just submitted their end-of-course final written assessment. It is worth 45% of their total mark. It is a pretty serious deal – for them writing it, and me marking it.
While visiting my amazing young cousin who lives outside of Castlemaine, I found one of his joke book sitting next to the toilet (where many good books are found). I was delighted to see a sports section with a few bike jokes in it.
It was perfect timing to lighten my mood after a long day’s marking – especially seeing as though it was one of those endless beautiful sunny days when I would otherwise have grabbed my bike to either put out some nice long kilometers along the Pyrenees Hwy and beyond, out to the Macedon Ranges, or to go exploring the magnificent 210kms MTB trails around the local Goldfields mountains and volcanoes (*sigh*).
But as marking currently takes precedence (for a couple of days longer only) – these bike jokes were a light reprieve, so I thought I’d share some of the better, but daggy cycling jokes I found. Although I cannot account for the quality, as my cousin is very young!
Set the scene
A truck leaves Sydney City at 10:32 am on a Tuesday morning, carrying 8 tons of freight, and traveling an average of 117 kph heading toward Melbourne. Another truck departs Melbourne at 8:47am on the next day, Wednesday, carrying 4 tons of freight and traveling an average of 98 kph toward Sydney. Where do they meet? On the one-lane bridge where the cyclist is.
A motorway and a freeway are enjoying a drink in the pub. A piece of green tarmac walks in. The motorway whispers: “Come on let’s drink up and go before the trouble starts. He’s a bit of a cyclepath!”
Awww dad! Not in front of my new friends!!
What is the cheapest type of bicycle you can buy? A penny-farthing!
What do you call a bicycle built by a chemist? Bike-carbonate of soda!
Why was Cinderella so uncompetitive at cycling? She had a pumpkin for a coach!
When is a bicycle not a bicycle? When it turns into a driveway.
Why can’t a bicycle stand up on its own? Because it’s too tired! (two tyre-d).
What is a ghost-proof bicycle? One with no spooks in it.
How did the barber win the bike race? He took a short cut.
I went on a long bicycle ride yesterday. It seemed farcical.
Did you hear about the vampire bicycle that went round biting people’s arms off? It was a vicious cycle.
I bought a new wheel from the local bike shop, but it was missing something in the middle. When I complained, they sent me straight through to their spokes-person.
One for 100 climbs – don’t ride upgrades, ride up grades.
Descending Pardknott pass at 80kph, the cyclist tested positive for speed.
My cousin loves e-bikes because he’s really indecisive. He likes that it takes charge.
My mate is really good on a unicycle but very socially awkward around alcohol. She can’t handle-bars.
The mechanic who makes my wheels suffers from narcolepsy. He just gets wheelie, wheelie tyred.
A maniac cut someone in half while I was on my bike today. I missed it, but my chainsaw.
Drop bars not bombs.
I rode my bike 10 miles to safely dispose of some paper, cans and bottles earlier. iIwas tired on the way back, so I had to recycle.
I like cyclists, who torque the talk.
Did you know Alfred Hitchcock used to be into downhill mountain biking? He was ‘The master of suspens-ion’.
Goldfields – no joke!
Oh, will this marking never end!
All jokes aside, it is difficult to be inside working while in such a beautiful part of the cycling world – and so close to the Goldfields Track, yet be relegated to the sidelines. Aaarggghh! But not long now!