8th May is Mother’s Day.
Happy Mother’s Day mums (and dads and significant others and carers who also fill maternal roles!).
For a previous Mother’s Day, I wrote about the issues I had with some Mother’s Day ‘suggested gifts for cycling mums’.
If you haven’t read the post Happy Fearful Mother’Day Cycling Mums! check it out here – it’s well worth the read!
I appreciate the sentiment of Mother’s Day (and Father’s Day) in taking time to recognise and celebrate the hard work parents do.
I like to think that mums are always appreciated as much as they are on Mother’s Day (ie for the other 364 days of the year as well) – not just one day a year … I hope …
Mums have it tough.
Women are advantaged in society and mothers in particular face enduring and unfair social and corporate pressures and constraints around childcare, unpaid labour, taking the load for emotional labour (the unpaid job men still don’t understand) and ‘being a good mother’, inequitable divisions of household labour, the hidden and overlooked value-cost-effort of stay-at-home mums and that working mums (well…all women) on average make only 82 cents for every dollar earned by men. Christine Carter articulates these frustrations well in her piece: All I want for Mother’s Day is an equitable division of labour. And yes… it is ‘a thing’…still!
Traditionally Mother’s Day is celebrated with breakfast in bed, flowers or lunches out with loved ones.
With much work needed to address systemic gender inequities, I’m proposing that this Mother’s Day is an opportunity to recognize such issues and think more carefully about how we celebrate mums and other (female) carers.
Mother’s Day is an opportunity to consider more critically the presence and presents we are giving to mums and what these ‘gifts’ communicate, expect and perpetuate.
Keep in mind that Mother’s Day (and other similar commemorative events) are overwhelmingly driven by corporate advertising and marketers who don’t give a shit about mums – they just want to sell more crap.
Such ‘gifts’ are not very honouring, nor are they particularly thoughtful.
So for Mother’s Day 2021, consider doing things a little differently.
Consider talking to a mother (key person) in your life – and dig a little deeper. Have a D & M (deep and meaningful). Be curious about their life (if they are willing to share) listening to what they have to say – and take your time. Go beyond the superficial and every day. Ask them more probing questions and listen to their experiences. Take time to really listen to what life is like for them – to be a mum/carer and a woman-person in the world. Ask them what their life is like – all the ups and downs. Tell them you notice all the small, thankless, important things they do – and that you know there are thousands of other hidden things that you are not aware of, but you know they do anyway, to make your life easier. Explain how you are aware of how hard they work – for you, in the home, at work, in the world.
A conversation like this is something a box of chocolates can’t achieve.
Oh… and if you do want to get them a present, ask them what they really want. Something just for them – and when they tell you what it is, don’t question it, discuss it or negotiate it- just do it.
And maybe you might want to add in something else – something more thoughtful and personal. Something just from you – that you think is an adequate tribute to that special person in your life.
Happy Mother’s Day 2021.